A guide to drinking for the first timers

If you are not a drinker and want to start drinking, you have come to the right place. Well, I am going to spare you the jibber jabber of I am not one of those promoting the use of alcohol but you should bear in mind that alcohol is indeed injurious to health. You’ll see how.

Now there are different types of liquors available in the market. There is beer, vodka, rum, whiskey and so forth. Also, each one has many different brands. And each brand has its own price. If you are a beginner or maybe let’s just say you want to experiment then I would recommend just cheap alcohol, for two reasons mainly a) you will not be able to drink all of it in the first time. B) it won’t hurt much to your pockets if you leave the liquor anyway. The main difference between the pricey ones and cheap ones is basically of distillation or how much pure the liquor is. But as a lay man you will just notice that cheap liquors give a harsher burning sensation than the expensive ones. And by expensive I mean really really expensive. A premium whiskey bottle costs anywhere between Rs 4000 and Rs 10000. Even that is cheap for some. Anyways, moving on, whiskey is not for the first timers. You can do beer but that just tastes yak! So bitter that you’ll just curse yourself for buying it. You could could’ve bought a coke and lived happily. And beer doesn’t get you drunk. With just 6-8% alcohol content, it will take approximately 6-7 of them (650 ml bottles) to reach the “Stupid drunk” point. And again, if you’re experimenting for the first time, you will probably find it difficult to gulp down even one sip. But if you do want to try a beer I would recommend Kingfisher or Fosters. These bottles will cost you around Rs200 and look classy in your refrigerator ;)  Do check the alcohol content in them. Like Kingfisher blue only has 6% alcohol content in it. A haywards 5000 will have 8%. Haywards is a cheap beer and will cost you only 100 to 150 bucks. The less the alcohol content the less the burning sensation when you drink it. And it drinking even one to two bottles of beer (650 ml bottles) will not do much good. It might come into effect if you drink all of it in span of 2 minutes. Yeah, like you drink water! Then it is sure going to give you a kick. But even heavy drinkers don’t have that kind of capacity to drink it all at once. That’s why in some Hollywood movies you’ll find that they have a beer drinking competition.

Going further, if you have to get real drunk, and I mean “real” real drunk, you should probably take vodka or rum. 180 ml bottles or quarter as it is usually said will get you to that “stupid” drunk stage. I would probably go for vodka because rum can’t be handled by all ;) Well, there is that and also the fact how your body would react to different types of liquors. So it’s best to stay with clear liquors. By clear I mean which do not have any colour. So vodka is your best option. Vodka also has many brands. A good vodka is always from a Russian brand. Well, Vodka originated in Russia so that makes sense. Vodka can be cheap but it really is a risk to go for the cheap ones. Cheap vodkas will make you suffer like never before. But not all cheap vodkas are bad. You can go for Smirnoff’s or seagram’s vodkas. They are cheap but are pretty safe otherwise. A 180 ml bottle will cost around Rs 200-Rs 300. Vodkas come in many different flavours. Orange is the most common. But you don’t have to drink it in shots. By shots it means 20-25 ml plain vodka drunk without mixing. It is a chivalrous task to take shots. 4 shots will pass you out completely. So, shots aren’t for first timers. Tequila shots are like that. And please don’t think your friends are cool if they are having tequila shots at a party. Because tequila like other liquors has different qualities and cheap tequila can make you very, very sick! And with 40% alcohol content in it, you will definitely puke! But anyways if you like to have tequila just go for 100% de agave rather than 51%.Tequila is made by fermentation of agave plant and by 100% de agave we mean, it is all made by agave plant only. There are no additives. It will be best to go for US or Mexican brands. It is quite expensive and mainly a party thing. Coming back to vodka, the best one is a plain vodka. The best way to drink it is mixing with a soft drink like Coca Cola. 20-30 ml of vodka is good with 100 ml – 150 ml of coke. Depends on your tolerance actually. But if you’re still not able to drink it, pour some more coke till the time you find your drink ”drinkable”.  Keep doing this till you finish the vodka quarter. And in 15-20 minutes you will be “jhuming” on your heels. This one gets you stupid drunk. But again you have to do it very fast. Only in a span of 20-30 minutes. If you keep drinking slowly like in a span of an hour or so, it’s the drunkness wouldn’t be so drunk ;)

Well, that’s all about drinking for first timers. You have a large scope ahead of you. Just dip in your nose and you will see :P

And I forgot to mention about The hangover. You are going to wake up feeling fatigued and restless. Nauseated and feeling funny. Don't get scared it's just your body trying to get rid of alcohol. Drink water. And keep drinking it for the rest of the day. 

Don't drink and drive and definitely switch off your mobile before drinking. You never know who do you call.

P.S I wrote this article because I wanted something like this guide to drinking when I wanted to try by myself. But I couldn’t find any kind article on the net. Hence, this.

Things I have learned during exams:-

1) You can do humour in the examination hall too.  Try acting all sneaky in front of the invigilator and he will think you were cheating. I just did the same. He asked me to open my fists and I kept saying there is nothing inside that. Finally after five minutes of ho-halla, I opened my fists which contained nothing and the whole examination hall bursted out in uncontrollable laughter. :D

2) Your most hated person becomes your best friend in the examination hall. He lends you pens, pencils, and also his answer sheet! :P

3) When you can only write for half an hour out of three hours, you get a lot of time for self ana;ysis and ponder over your life..

4) Also, you ponder who's the hottest girl out of the 50 girls sitting across to you.

5) And then there is always a scope for going to the toilets at regular intervals. But this plan does not work in my college. Suffice to say, nobody knows a thing.

6) When you have to suffer for 3 hours continuously, being detained for an hour due to some technical error seems a very excellent choice.

7) There is always a scope for painting the answer sheet with story line of chennai express! Don't give me that look! The teacher had specially said to write something! So that he has a scope for giving passing marks!

8) The "farras and sticky notes on the insides of your shirt do not work when you have essay type questions and need to fill atleast 10-12 pages of your answer sheet. -_-

9) With only 10 questions for 100 marks, you really can't do much as engineering students can. You just sit back and enjoy the fright on the innocent faces of girls who after the exam discuss " Yaar... Us Caverus sinus wale note me uski applied anatomy me carcinoma ke baare me likhna bhul gayi"
I have two questions- What is cavernus sinus? Secondly, ye wala question kaha tha paper me? O_o

10) And after exam you have to console your girlfriend who is weeping uncontrollably because she could not make diagrams for the lack of time. Kya hoga is duniya ka? Yahan.. question attempt karne pe laddu bat  rahe hain aur inko dekho!

P.S- Exams are fun. You get a week off !

P.P.S- For the first time, I used internet on my mobile to something actually useful !

:)

Upper Lake, Bhopal

I lie in my bed, thinking about my crest

The crest seemed too high, now I am just carrying on with my life

After sinking to a new low, I found on my face a big-big blow

The renaissance is well past over me, now what do I do to get free?

This poem is not my cup of tea, but I still write it to impress all of you thee! 

I should bunk my head under a pillow

But who would then hone my willow?

I have to study, my exams are nearby

So I bid all of you a hearty goodbye!

High on morning freshness!

Mornings, for some they are the mournings but even they would agree, it's the most beautiful time of the day. The freshness in the air, the dim, optimistic sunlight just rejuvenates you for the rest of the day. The exquisiteness of a city is seen on two occasions- when it's bustling with activity and when it's not. Mornings are the best time to see any city I would say. Being an avid walker myself, it comes naturally to me to get up early and witness the marvelous, breathtaking sunrise each day. Bhopal doesn't have parks in every locality. The culture of parks, I speculate is not developed in smaller cities. Because they had already been so greener and full of grounds, so who would have needed parks anyway. But now, as they are under the spell of urbanisation, the free space is shrinking and so are people's options. For me it was a big case really. I had been used to parks eversince and suddenly I have no place to jog? It was an unwelcoming change. So, I decided to take up gym. But when you run 5 kms on a treadmill, your knees and your lower back do not remain yours anymore. Gym goers would probably understand this ;) And my runs are my way of meditating. But in gym, you have high decibel music, playing havoc in your meditated run. I could no longer bear it. It was doing me more harm than good. So, finally I buckled myself up and the next morning I stepped outside my comfort zone and headed for a run. On roads! It felt like I was training for something because I had been the only one. But then on a Sunday I realised that I wasn't. I was just earlier than the rest. People here do go for morning walks. On roads only. But quite late. Even the elders. I get up at around 4:30 am and by 5 I am already skipping in my shoes! It's jut wonderful at that time. The run on roads has been quite an experience. It has overall been quite an experience. 

      Bhopal starts up quite late incidentally. Delhi is already bustling with elderly people going to parks and temples for morning prayers but here, I am the only living soul that I see. It feels quite amazing actually. Like you're the only person in this world for a few hours and this time is just yours and yours only. Even the runs are refreshing. I try to see as many things possible. I try to be as alert about my surroundings. Because there is something always beautiful almost everywhere. I try to explore much. Sometimes it is worth it, sometimes it isn't. But it is fun everytime. On my way back at around six, I see people finally getting up. Newspaper walas sleepily tying the newspapers, milkman opening his shop and the universal phenomenon- mothers shouting at their children to get up! The experience and an excitement of seeing something new everyday makes my day! And the fun part is to see an embarrassed nightwatchman who had been sleeping on duty, springing up to his senses on seeing someone this early! There can be no meditation better than this. And not even as beautiful as this!  

A society well educated?

All thanks to the new diseases I keep encountering each and everyday, I encountered something quite horrendous, if I may say so. My Parotid gland swelled up, which is a salivary gland right across the cheek before the ear. It happens due to mumps or some other infection but in my case, I ate a sour flavour of Nachos, felt a twinge across my face, which all of you must have experienced from time to time and next thing I know, my face looks like half a pear. It was quite unexpected and inexplicable. For me as well, though being a student of dentistry, I do study about salivary glands but this was only one of its kind. But being such an intelligent specimen of such a disastrous species that I am , I did not panic at all :P And I came to home instantly in Delhi :P So not panicky :P

                Now, I am not here to make a big issue of my illness or anything, but I am here to speculate about a stark; I don’t know what to call it, the state of Delhi and its people. The state of Delhi, has deteriorated so much over the past years, there is no doubt over it. I am not talking about the beauty of Delhi, or on the developmental lines but I am talking here about the soul of Delhi which has been marred and is being marred everday by the people who reside in Delhi.

I am not much of a metro traveler, or even a public transport user, because first of all, I don’t bloody like it and secondly, I don’t require it. But when you suddenly have to step out of your comfort zone, which  I kind of had to today, it really left me aghast too see as to what has become of us these days. I am walking down the street and I see all kind of maniacs here. The civil maniacs. There is a bunch of young boys maybe in class 6^th or so, speeding on their scooties. One of them was louder than the group and much of a show off. So in his high which he might be getting, he attempted a wheelie and unfortunately, he ended up hitting an elderly woman. Now these are the times when you really don’t know what to do. You can’t scold the boy. He was already petrified at his accident and you can’t even let it go. With all the crowd gathered around him, he was bloody terrified. And people yelling and shouting at his inane behaviour, there was more a sense of desperation in these people rather than any concern for that old lady. And this is not the first time such things have happened. So many road rage incidents and brawls on trivial issues, what has become of us these days? I was watching the movie 'fight club’ the other day and found quite an amusing scene where each of the member of fight club has been given a task of indulging into a fight with total stranger. And guess what, it showed people actually do not dare to fight. That was about 15 years ago. So people did have some civility 15 years ago. But where has all of that gone? People nowadays are just waiting for a fight to happen. They are looking for an excuse to fight rather than avoid it. Even in your workplace, it’s a common phenomenon that people rake up really small issues and hold a grudge against you. A small difference of opinion between you and someone else’s nowadays means you’re intrinsically an asshole and do not deserve a place to live in this world. Respecting someone’s opinion and not not contesting someone’s opinion are two very different things and people have lost this fundamental sense completely.

    Talking about Delhi specifically, the people here are, mostly, immigrants and all the Delhites want to force this change on them. But I really want to speculate here. Whether they are the real issue here for all the destruction of our values? Is it all due to them? Or we all are missing something bigger here? I mean with delhi being a mega city, there are people here belonging to most vivid cultures. Here you can find a Dhoti clad Tau on a chaar poyi, a turban clad sardar in a Jaguar but who still bows before Bangla Sahib, a bright, colourful saaree clad woman who smokes hookah, or even just another Bihari going naked in the street to finish off his daily ritual of offering water to the Sun. Delhi has everything. Now when people relocate, they bring their cultures to that place. It seems fair to attribute the loss of Delhi’s original culture due to this intermingling. But is that one hundred percent right? I don’t think so. Because everywhere, this thing is happening. Maybe at a slower pace in some other areas but this is just not indigenous Delhi, it’s a global phenomenon. The examples come to light every now and then. Countries are strong armed.  But why is such a thing happening?Are people these days are sitting at the end of volcanoes? Because just one stimulus and they erupts like anything. Is this the kind of environment we really want to live in? There are self crowned idealists, some of them hold debates on national TV, some roam around wearing Nehru caps, and some go to such an extent that they start comparing themselves to Gandhi. But that is not what this article is about. This article is sololely and specifically about why is there so much anguish among the common man? Why is he not satisfied with his life and why is he letting his sense shadowed under the cloud of his ego? The world needs peace more than ever. We have all kinds of weapons of mass destruction and we have seen people losing the respect for human lives. To hell with mass destruction, I say angry potheads with a 5 ton car are potential threat to our security in general. I am actually pained to see our values, our humility being diminished. We have all been forced to believe that we are here to do something big. We are forced to look at the things in an impractical fashion. And that’s why I find a person’s own desperation, guilt, remorse, failed dreams and an impaired sense of judgement coming into force during an argument. It seems they are on a vendetta to link everything with their own cause. They fight to run away from pain. And the worst of all is, these people see humility as a sign of weakness and so do dumb spectators who are too scared to voice their own opinions. Why? Because they think it might not sound cool or maybe it will make them the target. But I am sick of people giving such excuses at why they did not react in the right fashion. For god’s sake stop blaming other people for your cowardness. And these people are contagious. It’s necessary you stay away from them and shun them out with a full pounding force and wake up from their sleep so that they realise that they are wrong. Doing nothing is just as good as doing wrong. I am disappointed how the slightest of the values of human nature have perished altogether by our uncouth, loutish egos that have simply got out of our hands to deal with.  I am not here to be the yardstick of being the superior model of calmness and sense or moral judgement. But this, sir, lack of humility and your boiling attitude, will not be tolerated. Confrontations don’t happen. We make it happen. We hunt for blood. Everywhere. But where does it end finally? The outbursts, the frenzy, the exhaustion, the powerlessness ultimately leaves you crippled. I feel terrified, not humiliated, not shameful but terrified to be associated with such society with such hypocrisy. Terrified. Because when you are dealing with angry men, it's better to stay away. But for how long are we going to tolerate this kind of absurdity of being the recipient of your own insecurities? I have been an ardent supporter of this word "humility", because your act of humility can brave you through any situation. With your pride and dignity intact. But it is even more important that the bloody motherfucking common man understands this word, its gesture, its meaning and its motive. Politeness, humility look poised when they are understood well. But in today's society, I barely find a place where it is not misunderstood. Misunderstood as ego or pride or to some more clever people as some cheap trick to be seen as pretentious and idealistic. We really need to pause for a second to see where we're heading to. We are losing our ideals to something that is more bigoted than cheap.

The Ship Of Theseus

The Ship Of Theseus or better known as Theseus's Paradox is a simple yet most intricate philosophies from the time immemorial. It just poses a simple question- "Whether an object whose all parts have been replaced remains fundamentally the same object?" I got acquainted about this anomaly somewhere three years back and I am yet to arrive at a suitable answer to explain my position.
 We all are surrounded by this anomaly, in fact. Take for example, an old car, your Dad is quite attached to. Many of its parts have been replaced, it's even painted new. It's still working. But does it remain the fundamentally the same object your dad bought? I, like many of you, at first believed it was. After all it's been with us for so long. But is that the only parameter? What if the engine has been replaced altogether? Well, lets forget about inanimate objects. Let's move on to a person. Suppose, someone has replaced his organs, as we quite commonly see in transplant cases. Does he remain the same person after that? Yes, of course, he does! He has the same mind. But fundamentally? Would he be able to show exuberance like he used to? Forget even that! Would a person be the same after he is broken? By circumstance or maybe even a failed relationship?
 We all change with time. Change is inescapable. Even languid in some cases and you might discard with all your superciliousness but like time, it is eternal. Now, Be it inanimate objects or the animate ones, nothing is beyond this foible. So, even our opinions, our motives, our thinking! all change. Do we remain fundamentally the same person as we started out to be? I would stick to a firm no. We don't even remain the half of what we had started out as. There is so much change in a person just in a mere duration of an year, I am nonplussed how we attribute him to as being the same person.
 Our love for the things might remain the same. So can our opinions. But it's imperative to observe that things do not remain the same. I am not going into much deeper philosophy to state something about souls of these things, just a superficial scrutiny to one of my most favourite anomalies of all time. And I am sure a few years later I will have an entirely different view to this philosophy. But wouldn't we all? 

Top 10 Reasons Why I Hated To Lose Weight

Losing weight has been a long lust for me and finally, I did lose some of it but it's still far from my desired target. But noticeable differences are there and I am not liking this change. I hate change. Therefore, shamelessly, I put out the list of reasons why I liked myself better when I was 'FAT' :

1) This one's pretty obvious. I hate to lose weight because in the process I would have to forego of my love of McDonald's, Domino's, Wimpy's, Berco's, MOD, Dunkin' donuts' and the list goes on and on. Because I am that kind of person who chooses food before sex. Although, I wonder if I might be right here. Girl? Or Bread? HUh! Like Joey (From Friends) I want a girl on my bread! :D
(kuch seekho nalayako, jaha pe zaroorat na bhi ho, waha pe dialogue kaise chepe jaate hain !)

2) Being fat, I never had to bother to speak. Just keep your mouth filled with stuff all the time and no one would dare to interrupt your foreplay at a party! And also, when you're losing an audience which I kinda feel imminent on my blog, you can always attribute it to the large fatty cheeks that hinder your speech !

3) And talking about parties, it had been so profitable to take me to the buffets or the parties. I really extracted all the value of money.. yes!

4) And dancing like nuts on marriage celebration. I am not happy that my brother or sister will be getting laid from now onwards and I will be left out! So, being fat, I could always find an excuse of not dancing hysterically on these goddamn weddings!
(Yeah! Even I miss that too.. )

5) Going away from the scenario of public gatherings, I figured that my fatness was also a good excuse for me to convince my parents to fly me on business class or even get me those swanky gold class lounge tickets at movie theatres. But genuinely, who can fit on those economy seats?

6) And I used to come with a whole lot of package. I could use my tummy to drive a car around. Unfortunately, I have lost this superpower now :(

7) And I did come with the perfect package. When I used to meet a girl, I was like " Hey bitch! Look my boobs! They are bigger than yours!" And they really felt complexed. I have seen it on their faces..

8) And I fucking had 3 pack abs man! One family pack and two on the torso ! :P
 
9) Also, when I think, fat was my layer of protection, no? If somebody was to stab me, which I am    sure by the number of enemies I have made are already planning to, fat would provide me with      extra protection! It's tragic that my cover's been lost :(

10) Finally, I would've never fallen into the pot. You know what I mean? Like your fat butt cheeks are hanging out of the toilet seat and the water jet doesn't even reach your tushie.. Yeah something like that. Another horrible thing to find out that, you can actually fall into the pot where you did potty :P



Yours sincerely,

20kgs reduced IHY


By the way, is it just me or do you people also find it utterly bizarre that we all are the products of horniness of two human beings? O_o