I AM NOT INDIAN

I am a muslim. I declare my god as supreme and other's god as just a puppet of a story. I can vandalise ,  I can make anti-national statements and I can start a whole riot if my demands aren’t met. Last year, with advent of Modi government I felt a little insecure about the rise of right wing politics. But Modi vowed to protect my rights at any costs. But my local MLA plus some big guns from other opposition parties told me otherwise. When the elections were due in Bihar, opposition said that there is an atmosphere of ‘intolerance’ in India. Although no untoward incident ever happened with me, I joined their chorus and rallied against the ruling party with utmost ferocity and vengeance. I heard about the Malda incident where it was said that Muslims were also at fault. But I don’t believe that at all. I refuse to comment on Malda incident. Let’s talk about Dadri lynching.

                I am a Dalit. My parents are government servants and they make a decent salary. We have a nice little hatchback at home. I live in Delhi in a 1000 sq ft government bungalow located at the poshest place of delhi. I studied at the most prestigious school of Delhi. Now I am in IIT delhi. I scored less than my Brahmin friend. He lives in a lesser known part of Delhi in a 650 sq ft bungalow with his parents, grand parents and two sisters. His father is also employed in Govt sector but at a low post.  So he doesn’t own a car as of yet but I am sure their life is going smoothly I never hear them complain. He studies in NIT. He has to pay full fees of the course . Meanwhile, 50% of my fees has been remitted under Dalit schemes by government of India. I buy nike shoes and branded clothes and though times are hard, I still manage to scoop out a little money for that trendy haircut.  

                I am a dalit farmer. I don’t own any land. I work at someone else’s farm and he pays me just enough to feed my 4 children and wife. But it gets tough for me at the end of season because then I find it impossible to find any work. The school is located about 20kms from my village and it’s already running above its capacity. Besides I have 3 daughters. I had already married my eldest daughter when she was 10 and now we are waiting for her to turn 16 to send her to her ‘own’ home. My son gives me a helping hand in my work, so I really don’t see any point of sending him to school when he just has to work on farms like me. He should rather know about our business. I hear government is launching many schemes. One such is insurance cover. But the banker babu won’t even talk to me. He is always away and when rarely he comes to office, he keeps mostly to himself and have us kicked out. I hear my friend had successfully applied for the scheme but on the last step due to some missing document, he was denied the benefit of the scheme. With another scheme that entails my wife and daughter, I am entitled to some money for my daughter’s marriage. I have went many times to gram panchayat office but the secretary over there won’t enrol my name until I pay rs 5000 to him. The government is doing nothing for us Dalits. I feel powerless and helpless and have gone to opposition parties as well but they also don’t seem to have time for me. But when my friend committed suicide, everybody from congress president to even chief minister of Delhi came to our village and granted relief fund to his family. Sometimes, I also think that suicide is my only option. Atleast my death would ensure two square meals for my family.

                I am a Hindu. I take a bus to work daily. I live in a small but decent house in a fairly large city. I manage to provide fairly good education to my two kids. My wife stays at home and like everybody else she has her demands. I try to make a few extra bucks on the side by working overtime and on some occasions I take a meagre bribe of Rs200. Atleast that way I can take my family for outings on weekends. I have to send a part of my income to my parents living in the village but that’s alright. We make a fairly decent living and have very little left as savings. Last year, my wife got ill. She had to undergo a minor operation but even that proved costly for us. I had to break my pension fund to provide for her medical assistance. I get hit really hard with increasing prices of petrol and pulses. But still I manage to scrape through the month somehow. I don’t feel the government is responsible for such condition of mine. I am myself responsible because may be I am not working hard enough. Sometimes I feel inadequate when I meet my old friends and see they have got fancy cars. But now nothing much can change. I am bound to this daily drudgery. This stagnancy in my life makes me depressed sometimes. But it won’t even matter to anyone if I live or die except for my family. They will suffer the most if I leave them midway. I fall prey to market frauds and Ponzi schemes easily, not because I am unintelligent but because I am desperate.  I feel my children have the future ahead of them and they can really turn things around if they study well. I want my son to study in IIT. I don’t criticise the government each day with a newspaper in hand but yes I feel that politicians have destroyed this country. I have thought of contributing to government’s scheme of giving up LPG subsidy but with my income it’s impossible to do so. At my workplace, we have muslim co-workers and they also seem to be facing similar issues. They are intelligent and well mannered. Most of all they all are really nice and helpful. I don’t ever feel insecure with them and neither they do with me. It’s not like we concoct up harmony, it’s just very normal. We don’t even feel there is a difference between us. I therefore find it difficult to digest the polarising comments made by different political parties. Safe to say, I reserve my comments on these topics and stay away from politics. I have to look after my house first.

We are muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Dalits, Adivasi, tamilian, assamese, Punjabi, Sindhi. We doctors, lawyers, clerks afterwards. We are not INDIANS. We never were. Never will be.

EMAIL EXCHANGE WITH NESTLE

I wrote to nestle on maggi issue and well, I am atleast glad that they responded because in India nobody responds to email.

But I am not sure I am fully satisfied with their answer. Their answer is so twisted in words that I am not even sure I fully understand it.

Here’s the full conversation-

Sir/madam,

I have been following the events of the maggi fiasco and one thing i couldn't overlook was the fact that nestle had burnt packets of recalled maggi. It was in the headlines for quite some time. You reportedly spent around 30cr to burn maggi packets. That was just what i had read. Since this is a just general query and not any formal protest or something of that sort, I am not attaching any newspaper clipping with the email to back up my claim.
Nevertheless, i am inclined to know why did you burn those packets indeed if you claimed them to be safe?

Hope to you hear from you soon. 

 --------------

Reply from Nestle -

Dear Consumer,

Thank you for your email/query.

We would like to inform that we were asked by the regulator to recall the product and we have stopped selling it. In fact, before the order was issued, Nestlé India had announced it had stopped selling MAGGI Noodles. This is because concerns about the product led to confusion for the consumer to such an extent that Nestlé India felt it was necessary to take the product out of the market while we engage closely with the regulators and others to discuss the situation.

We have always maintained that MAGGI Noodles are safe based on more than 3500 tests conducted by Nestlé India. Moreover, Food Standards Authorities of USA, Canada, UK, Australia, & New Zealand and Singapore have also declared MAGGI safe for consumption. 

Now, 100% samples of MAGGI Noodles have cleared additional tests for lead, done by the National Accreditation Board for Testing and Calibration Laboratories (NABL) accredited labs in India, as ordered by the Hon'ble High Court of Bombay.  

 Test reports from the NABL accredited laboratories (https://www.maggi.in/result.aspx ) 

 Testing done by Nestlé India (https://www.nestle.in/aboutus/ask-nestle/answers/maggi-noodles-india-test-results ) 

 Read more about tests conducted by other countries. (https://www.nestle.in/aboutus/ask-nestle/answers/maggi-noodles-india-export)  

 We are committed to the safety of MAGGI Noodles and assure you that MAGGI Noodles have always been safe and will continue to be so. 

We thank you for taking out time to write to us and we shall definitely plan to include factory tours as part of our resurrection plan  

 Looking forward to your continued support. 

 With Warm Regards, 

 Chitra Ahuja  

 NESTLÉ Consumer Services

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And to those wondering to whom else I emailed, it was Hindustan times who I don’t think open their emails at all. And McDonald’s who in my opinion should be flogged all the way back to America!

Here’s my email complaint to McDonald’s India-

Sir,

I want to bring to your kind attention the poorest of the poor quality of your products being served in your restaurants. 
I bought McVeggie burgers today, which by the way are supposed to be your premium burgers but i was left aghast with what i had been served. Stale bun with oily patty and moreover the stale vegetables used inside the burger, i mean seriously who are you serving this for? And it's not the first time such thing is happening. The quality of Almost everything in your outlets has degraded substantially. 
I think it's high time for you to reevaluate yourself and focus on the customer base you want to attract. But the meal served t today was absolutely un-eatable. 
I have attached some pictures for your reference. And i am not complaining for today's incident only. This decline has been your trend from past several years. .
I hope McDonald's again reinstate their reputation by performing regular quality checks on every outlet.

---

Not heard from them till yet. It's been around 2-3 months. 

Seriously, what junk are they serving to Indians? And what kind of people are we Indians are accepting and enjoying such junk? Maggi is flying off the shelves and McDonald’s chain is growing faster than ever. I think we are a bit too attached to everything. Especially the bad stuff. Maggi is back. So is Lalu. Just can’t believe that a convict in fodder scam is an elected representative. Hail Indians! 

The true face of 'intolerance' debate

Amir khan, the brand ambassador for Incredible India, an avid social worker and a wise human being recently showed the true face of ‘intolerance’ debate going on and on and on, thanks to the sensational journalism by NDTV mostly.  The statement made by Mr. Khan emphasised specifically that intolerance has increased in last 6-7 months (time when BJP rose to power). And so has censorship.

          It is painful and rather awful that such a wise person would make so immature statement just out of his political views. This whole ‘intolerance’ debate is a political one. I personally want to hit these journalists hard on their head because they mooch out just a statement, not the justification. The journalists should ask “How is India intolerant?” or "did Amir khan faced any trouble personally in last 6-7 months?" Such politically motivated statements are highly indecorous.  

          What happened to India being “INTOLERANT” when M F Hussain left this country during UPA rule? Or when Shiv Sena shut down Mumbai for one whole day and jailed those who protested online? Wasn’t that intolerant? I am flabbergasted to see people igniting this intolerance debate only just now.

          The truth of the matter is, ever since the rise of BJP, first and foremost, many people had to close their shops who were thriving in congress rule. Plus, congress is being increasingly successful in projecting BJP not as pro-hindu but as anti-muslim. So, this whole ‘intolerance’ saga is more about tarnishing the image of BJP especially, PM Modi rather than any meaningful thought or discussion.

          People are entitled to their opinions. We have been gifted with a nice brain as well. Time we use it to distinguish between what is right and what is fabricated. Hear everything but don’t believe everything. 

The intolerant 'intolerance' debate

The abysmal debate fuelled by hungry journalists has reached a new low, with article by Ms. Barkha Dutt articulating her opinions on her recent interview with SRK. Now I am not going into all the details why it was wrong on every level but I am compelled to point out that SRK invited such reactions when he joined this debate in which he had no role to play. But he is an artist, and as such he will. No qualms about that.
Everybody is so gaga about this intolerance debate, some trying to pacify the situation by making the government a scapegoat of all the tension that had arisen in the first place. But the question is, are we really that intolerant as the journalists had told us so? What I think is, journalists are trying to stir up more than what’s in the pot. India’s picture is not as bleak as they have shown it to be. Some isolated incidents like dadri lynching and stuff can’t define the mood of a nation with 1.2 billion people.
But are we really intolerant? YES, we are. We have been born and brought up with a prejudiced mind. We have been trained to see only what we want to see with our limited knowledge and vision. We are intolerant towards gays and bisexuals, towards the poor and most of all towards modern thinking. A simple but quite impressive example was given to me by my neighbours who drove my senior out of this society because his ways of living were immoral. Indulging in activities within four walls of his apartment should have no consequence on the neighbours, right? But people did take an offence in that as well. Which is highly silly and pointless. But this is how we are. Our hypocritical personalities have been inbred in us from time immemorial. Socrates was hanged for his views. And so many other scientists and philosophers. Even galileo was disbarred from the society and placed on house arrest for his radical views that contradicted with views of church at that time.
So intolerance is nothing new. And it’s not a phenomenon restricted to only India. You see at the west, you’ll find Americans intolerant towards Blacks, Europeans intolerant towards migrants, Middle East and Egypt especially, on the verge of boiling. So India still has a far better situation than all these places. And if you want to see some silver lining to this intolerance debate, it’s good to see we’re evolving to more intellectual debates rather than something as mundane as water, electricity and food. This is actually progress. Only developed nations advocate dissent and free speech so openly.
I digress
The Indian version of debate has shifted its epicentre to communal lines. Muslims are like the younger siblings. Pampered and sensitive. So, the elder sibling will always get the scolding because he was elder and could’ve handled the situation. And the parents are always much more sensitive towards the younger sibling. Muslims are treated like that in India. In accordance with their wish or against their wish, their choice doesn’t matter. Living and witnessing their lifestyle with such close proximity, I can confidently say there is no more to the difference between Hindu and Muslim than there is between Jain and a sikh. It’s the political game that has given us a prejudiced mind only on paper I remind you, not anywhere close in real life.
The debate on intolerance in India started with writers returning their awards due to attacks on their community against those who advocated their opinions. But some unscrupulous minds have managed to polarise this debate as well on religious lines. The major question is not WHO is being targeted. The question no one is asking is why did it start all of a sudden now? The answer is it didn’t start all of a sudden. The seeds of the prejudice were already sown in our minds. The polarising politics by congress and BJP alike led to dissent among communities. Hindus felt neglected. When BJP rose into power, it couldn’t have possibly fathom that Hindu extremist would resort to such measures to voice themselves. Like a pressure cooker, the lid on the minds of such people lifted and all they had to give out was poison formed slowly and slowly through all these years. No offence to SRK, but he is just a puppet in the scheme of things. He didn’t have to take anything personally.
The debate is a healthy way of raising one’s concern. But making outrageous remarks aimed to defame and denounce someone’s religion is really extraordinarily insane. But how can we stop such people? Should government do something about this? Or CAN it do something about it? It can’t. People spreading hatred are doing their job. It’s the job of us civilised people to ignore such maniacs and not give them their 2 seconds of glory they don’t deserve. If we stop listening, who will then these anti-social elements talk to?

Hello

Hello world!
I am just writing this to tell you that i am still alive, in case you have forgotten and considering the number of emails dropped by actual people , i think i am going to invite over just the guys at google alerts at whatever moronic thing that needs to be celebrated.
And you wouldn't want to know what my alerts are for :P
So i think i have well established the fact that i am still alive, let me get to the second part which is what have i been doing all this time? NOTHING I tell you! I keep my loudmouth shut during most of the time of the day, so much that my girlfriend almost used to pull her hair to mooch one word out of my mouth, logical or illogical that's for her to judge. And emphasis is on the past tense!
To spice things up in my life, i decided to use more red chilli in my food, believe me that didn't go well either!
I also tried to read some books, but getting a boner on practically every second page made me realised this is not an actual book.

So what i do nowadays is spend as much time as possible in my serene place, you call 'bed' and sleep my way off through most of the problems, though i doubt there are any !

Disheartened by our society

Being 2015, we should have had almost been into the most advanced age. The James bond movies had predicted some serious high end technological advancements. What we have right now is a stupid, big, chunky phone that complicated our daily lives so much that apart from talking on it, we do every other thing a phone is not supposed to do. We should have had countered apocalypse, met aliens, had robots as servants and what not! We were supposed to redefine freedom.

But what we have is not short of hell breaking lose. People have gone from smart to being nuts! How did you think Kejriwal won then? Are Delhiites short of money? I know some of my friends spending close to a thousand bucks on getting a simple haircut. Still their parents want free water, free electricity? Sounds a bit a hypocritical to me. If you talk about the poor residing here, talk to a poor 20 year old. He wants everything but working towards earning it? Oh hell no, everybody wants to make a quick buck! Unruly statements from politicians, judges passing bizarre statements (that gay act), censor board creating a hypocritical environment, i just feel we are drifting back to stone age rather than progressing to a healthier future. We have got big fat ass religious conservationists who mind you are no use to religious sects whatsoever but create a ruckus when anyone tries to voice their opinions that might be against their preachings. Then sex! We are just going all bonkers on that matter. I fail to understand why people are afraid of human body and its nature. Actress sunny Leone is not able to lend a flat in Mumbai all because she had been in porn industry! Wow, you can shelter a terrorist but you find it ridiculous to rent a woman who has bared it on the camera! I find it totally ridiculous that Modi's politically campaign was backed heavily by the fact that he is a single man! That means the US president and The British prime minister are just ludicrous people who aren't able to function properly because they have a family at home, isn't that so?

The activities of stupid bajrang dal, even moral policing reaching its most bizarre levels , i really hope this is just a phase that we're passing by. Because frankly I don't any child to be raised among such freaks and later become the part of such freak show! 

BEING DENTIST

Being a doctor is not easy. Now I realise it and I can relate to the irritation of that orthopaedist I met at a family function a few months back who was bombarded with questions about diseases. He was really pissed off at the end. The same things happen with me all the time though on a less extensive scale because let’s face it what is the maximum number of diseases that you can encounter in your mouth?

As a dentist I am asked the most typical questions at every gathering and each time a sigh with grief at how senseless people can people sometimes act. Here’s a list of questions I am bombarded with mostly-

1)      Which is the best toothpaste for maintaining oral hygiene?

I just can’t seem to get enough of this question.

Any toothpaste that is certified by American Dental Association or ADA like colgate or pepsodent or oral-B is good for your mouth. But the list of questions doesn’t stop here.

2)      But a neem stick or baba ramdev’s ayurvedic toothpaste or Bandar chaap dant manjan does so much better than your ordinary toothpaste

I am sure they do. But the thing is our tooth has an enamel covering. Now the toothpastes that are certified by ADA are tested for use in the oral cavity.  Their side effects are duly studied and  they are actually safe to use. Such things can’t be said about your ayurvedic counterparts which may or may not work in all people. Instead these ayurvedic toothpastes might contain abrasive materials which can corrode your enamel layer over time and not to mention the harm they can potentially cause to the soft tissues inside your mouth.

3)      But some people don’t stop there also. They cite the examples of their grandmother who has all her teeth intact at the age of 80

To these people I just make a scorny face and boy! Would I want to say that your grandma’s teeth are miracles of god withstanding her sugarcane eating habits for 80 long years! But I am a doctor and we doctors  might not know anything else but we do know to be patient and calm in all situations. So I just resort to using the age old phrase “Arre bhai ab pehla wali baat kaha, pehle ke log akhrot tod lete the daanto se, aajkal ke bachche to chocolate pe palte hain” and it settles scores with a big laugh! But let me add here, most of my patients in the hospital are these old people only and you can see 90% of them have dentures and the remaining 10% have missing teeth. And the average life of human tooth is not more than 60 years. Though the tooth might remain intact but it falls down on its own in old age.

4)      Should I use sensodyne? Or is sensodyne better than colgate?

Now this question is really a valid one and you can’t argue that people are being senseless. Actually it is all the fault of sensodyne advertisement which advertised the toothpaste only. This toothpaste ‘sensodyne’ curbs Sensitivity. Sensitivity is itself a disease. Allow me to explain. Your skin has receptors of hotness and coldness. In the same way your mouth does too. You experience something when a hot or a cold thing touches your skin. But you don’t apply any cream or anaesthetic on that, do you? The same thing is with your teeth. If you drink way too cold coca cola or drink too hot tea, your pain receptors in teeth naturally trigger signalling you not to drink that anymore. So why do you want to use sensodyne in such case?

Sensitivity is actually a disease when you feel sharp pain even during routine activities such as brushing or eating. Your teeth feel weak and the softer part of your teeth gets exposed. It is a fairly common disease but not as common. Almost all the people who have asked me this question said they did feel pain when they sipped hot tea but never while brushing or eating. So they were not affected with sensitivity of teeth.  

The sensodyne toothpaste has pain blockers so it is not advisable to use this toothpaste if you do not have sensitive tooth. Feeling pain while drinking something excessively hot or cold is body’s own way of telling you to stop.

5)      Most people are not satisfied with this answer so they enquire for more

And I, already so tired of the long list of their personal oral problems decide to use my final, most embarrassing weapon. I politely reply to them – ‘see folks, I have not become a dentist as yet. I am still studying, so save your questions for later!’ And with this short, cheeky and actually self-harming answer I just scutter away :P