Avengers : Infinity war is a disaster

I have just been back from the show of Avengers Infinity war and I have some scathing words for this movie. WARNING : SPOILERS AHEAD

I like to consider myself a moderate marvel fan. Because inconsistency in marvel universe quite evident with movies like thor: the dark world, guardians of galaxy biting the dust for good. But things took a serious turn for me after Thor: Ragnarok and Black Panther. Absolutely fantastic movies that were the silver linings of 2017 and 2018 respectively. Infinity war was supposed to move the golden run forward but it just came crashing down on my expectations.

 

There are a multitude of things wrong with this movie but the biggest thing that was wrong with this movie was THANOS. Yes, the villain. He was the main weak link in the movie. Thanos is an underrated and under depicted character in this movie. A big blue hulk wearing a golden glove is what is served as the tormentor of Tony Stark since the events of New York. His voice is menacing but his features are soft. His serrated chin reminds me of WWE wrestlers who ultimately come out to be the good guys. But is he supposed to be a good guy? He has been pounded with all sorts of adjectives ranging from "devour-er of the worlds to madman". But we get a scene too where we see tears in his eyes. Are we supposed to feel his pain? And generate a misdirected affection for him. I don't think the directors were wanting to go there but unfortunately, they did. His dialogues do not complement his gigantic stature and his menacing voice. He feels rather timid for such a terrifying character. 

Thanos is fighting each and every avenger in this movie in one scene or the other. He beats the hulk, kills loki like bottle gourd and petrifies Thor. And so do his children. Who dwell on enormous power and have excellent training in krav maga. They try to build up a narrative for thanos but are interrupted by ill-timed one liners from the ensemble cast. They don't get beaten up by a concoction of dr. strange, Iron man, spider man and bruce banner. If they could one Thanos' child Ebony Maw could have his own super villain movie dedicated to him for he makes cars fly at the flick of his finger. Such a marvellous villain dying from just being sucked into outer space. 

corvus glaive

Coming to the outer space, although Ebony Maw froze to death in outer space, thor manages to survive cold and heat alike. A bit weird, no?? Well, everything going on with thor is weird. In Ragnarok it is evident that he learns how powerful he is and he doesn't need his hammer. As evident by the epic dialogue " Are you the God of hammer"? But in Avengers, his love for hammer is back and he feels rather timid facing enemies without his weapon. The new weapon he forges, gives him some additional power somehow. Like it's a sale season going on. Shop with you mastercard and avail 15% more discount. It's a mess. The directors forgot the basic essence of each and every character in this movie. 

Black panther is undermined by his protective detail "Okoye". Such a fantastic character and a brilliant actor "chadwick boseman" is under utilised in this movie. Captain America gets a shield in shape of a leaf. He looks sexy in beard, fit for action but lack of his trademark shield is evident. You keep waiting for more of him throughout the movie. Actually you keep wanting more of every character in this movie but it never happens. The movie never evolves to something bigger. Just a cat fight between thugs and mall cops. You wish to see tony stark with his swanky gadgets and new technology but what do you get instead? A nanotechnoogy based suit. That somehow lasts for an eternity. Vision with the voive of Jarvis who showed some brilliant moves in age of ultron, limps throughout this movie. He doesn't even get a heroic death he deserved. Black widow, Col rhodes, flying man sam wilson, wanda, bucky all appear as a bunch of extras. No significant screen time or role. Peter Quill played by Chris Pratt is immature and irritating. His jokes are repetitive and maddening. Chris Pratt never feels comfortable in the skin of his character. 

It's not as if the movie doesn't have its moments. It does. And great ones too. Like when Thor descends back to Earth to fight off Thanos' army when everyone else is being beaten pulp. He makes a magnificent entry. The whole crowd erupted in cheer as Thor plummeted the army with his new axe. 20 seconds later, it gets cut off and we again hear the same monotonous Thanos. Or his uninspiring and frankly boring fight with iron man and dr. strange. The fight looks so unreal that you just start yawning. Iron man survives when he is hit by a MOON. Yeah , you read it right a MOON! Like really?? The guy couldn't even lift sokovia himself in age of ultron. Fights seem more like mindless violence. Thanos army more like mutant lizards from a video game. 3D effects are dismal. Story line sucks. It doesn't even make any sense. We had Dr, Selvig who created a reactor with tesseract at its core to open up another dimension in the first avengers movie. But here dimensions get opened up at the drop of a hat. No scientific explanation, no logic. Felt like a bollywood masala movie.

Overall it was a big step down from the standards of a marvel movie. As a cinematic experience and as a story too. The movie lacked depth and characters were used more as props rather than beings. You never bond with any of the character. You never feel for them. Never connect with them. The Russo brothers directed both the captain america : The Winter Soldier And The Civil War, which are my least favourite marvel movies. Their confusion, lack of depth of characters, lack of emotions and cluttered direction has destroyed what could have been the greatest marvel movie ever. 

P.S- There is no HULK in the movie. Poster makes a fool out of you. Bruce Banner gets Erectile Dysfunction And Can't Get it Up. Bruce banner is unable to turn into Hulk.

What works for the movie?

A script for tomfoolery in the second avengers movie. 

Disclaimer : All pictures are from a google image search.

The Absence of happiness

A cloud of uncertainty hovers over me

Larger and larger it grows

Fed by the absence

It reaches out to hold me

It’s tentacles tightly wrapping around my chest

Squeezing, minute by minute, day by day

And it lifts me up

To an unending world

Where truth holds no power

Courage has no meaning

Body has no soul

And I perish away, like I never existed

Larger and larger it grew

ROYAL ENFIELD BULLET : A DREAM YOU DON’T WANT ?

The legacy of royal enfield is no doubt the bullet. A bike which is bigger than the brand itself. My first impressions of bullet were Jats, haryanvis and punjabi punks owning one. They had these annoying modified silencers which were exactly opposite of what they were meant to do. Increased the rough sound of air leaving the exhaust. That classic thump of bullet became an irritating noise. As time grew, I started to hate the bullet more and more.  Why?

1) It’s slow.  Indeed it is. I own an Yamaha FZ and although it’s not supposed to be a fast bike, it’s still faster than bullet.

2) It’s heavy. With a weight north of 190 kg, it is fucking heavy.

3) It’s too loud. I want my bikes to be discreet. 

4) It’s unreliable. 

5) It’s over rated.

BUT IS IT?

I got a bullet of my own. It’s a long, sad story which warrants a separate post for itself. Just to make it clear, I did not buy it. It was sort of a gift. And no it wasn’t stolen. It’s the classic 500 in tan colour and looking at it is delightful. I am filled with a slight charm whenever I see my bike. The sturdiness, the  shape of headlight, curves from 1950s, all reminiscent of post war era, it’s not a feeling I can describe in words. 

But that’s it. Looks only. I hated the thought of driving it. It’s an inefficient machine that has been glamourised mostly by testosterone deficient males who have tried to supplement their protruding bellies and greying hair with a bike slow and inefficient much like them.

I have compiled here a list of problems I have had with it ever since I got my hands on it. And this is only a period of 3 weeks, I am talking here. 

1) It’s a 2017 classic 500 twinspark EFI model which had done 350  kms barely in one year. I brought it with me here to Delhi and it’s been with me for only 3 weeks but the problems with bike do not seem to cease at all. The first major problem was the fuse. The fuse blew twice within 2 weeks. Cheap electricals? I think too complicated electricals. 

2) Handle jammed up. It may have been due to tyre pressure but in my case I found it due to lack of proper lubrication in the handle joint. It’s been one year since it was serviced and I shouldn’t blame the company. But I have Yamaha FZ and it has never shown such unreliability.

3) After 150 km long trip the bike gave out. It started missing on low revs. Throttle response decreased. Due to engine overheating? Maybe. 

4) Poor service. Normal mechanics do not even touch bullet. So you have to find a bullet specialist and that’s a huge problem if you’re stuck in a remote location.

5) Vibrations. Bullet vibrates a hell lot. So much that you won’t be even to make out anything of the rear view mirrors if you have them. After 90 km/hr bullet handle vibrates precariously. 

6) The seat although feel comfortable but after a long ride I am pretty sure your tail bone is going to hurt. On my FZ, my thighs and shoulders hurt. What would you rather have hurt? Tailbone or other parts of the spine?

7) At high speeds, you feel air drag. It becomes so much that you sometimes feel like you’ll fall off from bike. So poor aerodynamics.

These are my first hand problems of bullet. But what I am about to say is nothing short of crazy. 

I am in love with the BULLET. 

It’s true. With all these problems and years of hatred has somehow just converted into a respect and love for the machine all on its own. The clanking of metal when you first power up your ride, coincides with the beating of your heart.  Dhak- dhak-dhak. The metal feel , the sturdiness, the retro look....you’re not riding a bike, you’re riding THE BULLET. And you can only understand it once you’ve driven the bike for yourself. You don't care about speed, you don't care about mileage. In fact you don't care about anything in this world. You're the free bird while riding the bull. 

 They say bullet is a bike that doesn’t love you back. I think bullet is a princess that needs caressing for time and again, and it shows you its love when you’re cruising on a long highway where the man and his bike become one. When you’re all alone but the magic of bullet is such that you want to be alone. It gives you that freedom, that sense of a getaway, a sense of respect which is called ROYAL ENFIELD BULLET.