Friday, 28 June 2013

Dafuq is wrong with you???

My friend AJ seems like taking a lot in these days. And me being his good friend, decided to increase his stress ;) Here's what happened when he asked me out for the movies-

AJ - Hey man! What are you doing this friday?

ME- Nothing I guess..

AJ- Then let's go to the movies, there is one....

ME- No

AJ- Why?

ME- I have work to do

AJ- But you said you were doing nothin'

ME- You said it yourself, I have to do something

AJ- But it's nothing

ME- Exactly, and it takes a lot of patience

AJ- You have some deep seated issues in you man!

ME- Don't you dare say that again! It's you who is always with f*cked up problems. it's like your problems f*cked each other and had kids which f*cked among themselves to produce more f*cked up problems! So you want to go to the movies to find solace from your f*ck world!!!

AJ- Sheesh man! Did you wake up to be a d*ck all day?

ME- No, I woke up to be a d*ck today as well.

AJ- Ahhhh....!

Saturday, 22 June 2013

Awkward facebook moments

We have all been through some uncomfortable times especially on facebook when we plan before doing every move, wait, what if he comments on my status? what if he doesn't comment on my status? and lots more. But when the actual time comes all the things go haywire and we either end up looking as clowns or we assume to have been made one!

This might not be the case in general, but believe me these "virtual" facebook conversations make me very uncomfortable at times. So much that I feel like throwing up. Here's my list of the weirdest facebook moments -
  • when some acquintance sends you fb friend request and you don't know what to do with it. Then when you meet that person after somedays, this fb topic comes up where he asks,'hey! you didn't accept my request till yet? Did you not receive it?'

    No, computer has a tendency to send these requests to spam..

    Dude! Spam is for emails!

    Is it? Oh! So sorry, I will talk to the manufacturers right away!!!!
  • When some known person sends you friend request but then for some unknown reason you two avoid any conversation for days altogether. Only the occasional likes on photos keep your relationship alive and makes you realise,'oh! yes, I also know that guy!'

    Then one day you make up your mind and decide to break the silence.
    Hey dude! Wass'up?

    I'm fine dude, how 'bout you?



    And after that the silence spreads across the chat box once again! (epic, huh?)
  • Now when you do know a person, it is a different case altogether. You are really close to each other and meet on regular basis. Only you do not have anything to talk about on facebook.

    When is the next class?



    And you whisper to yourself- why did I ask that? I have been going there on every tuesday for months!
  • Then there are sometimes when you befriend someone on the internet and add you as a facebook friend. You have added them as your fb friend and wonder- That is a very good person, you know. But what do I talk to him about? And what do I call him- Mr. or Ms. S? That's too formal ! S? That's too lame! Deedee? Bhaiya? Uncle? Get outta here!

    Anyways you overcome  this difficulty and somehow manage  to start a conversation..

    Hi there!

    Hi !

    Nice to see you here!

    Me too! Me too!

    So tell me more about yourself..

    I am 26 years old working in USA at xyz company. I have one mom and one dad in India!

    Somehow you see things going in the wrong direction but after the last answer you again wonder- Hey! Wait! Am I on the dating site? I must be talking to his brother or sister!
    Seriously, conversations with unknown people can be so traumatising and yet interesting! (How ironic!)
  • Now in other situations we all have a friend who posts the pictures of his unfinished meal in a restaurant ! These are the most epic failures! Their half-eaten dishes remind you that you still belong to the human race and from the next time onwards you finish your meal properly! ( to not to look like an animal..hopefully!)

    I so wonder at these people. That guy really likes his food. He thinks I cannot afford to buy it !

  • And now comes my favourite part- The girl photos!
    These girls are really a creation of their universe! They click their photo themselves first of all. That's okay, I guess. Not all of us are blessed with kind friends who can take our snaps... But one thing I fail to understand is why do they always tilt while making a pose? Their head is always tilted to 45 degrees, like it has fallen from their necks! Then there is that weird smile. Who knows why do they smile so much? Is their life too happy? Again, who knows? sigh...
    And have you ever wondered why only their face is visible on photographs most of the time. What? Are they shy to show off the rest of their bodies? Maybe they think that everyday is halloween and they have to scare the rest of us by making their face extra extra extraaaaaa largeee!!! lol !
I am clearly too tired of using facebook, hearing about my boy-friends whine about their relationship status, and girl-friends about their love status(es) that they post million times a day! And what can I say about the party snaps. Relative's function- there's an album for that, going to the mall, here's another album for that and what not !

I have a small head my friends and in there resides a rather smaller unused organ popularly called- abhishek's brain. It is too small to be able to process such complex informations. So it decided to create a new facebook account with only 8 friends who just always share the garbage bin photos! And my tiny little brain likes it so much!! (Such a happy ending!)

Again you all can send me your hate mails at-
and this time I hope I have risen above the sick comedy ! :D

P.S- Tomorrow the supermoon will be seen and you'll have real chance to observe the craters of the moon very clearly. So, all you photography lovers buy a binocular or a telescope in addition to your cameras and you can capture this wonderful moment at about 2000 to 2030 hours (if you are not a technical person because actual supermoon is captured just before it rises up the horizon). And I am talking about photographing the moon through telescope!
If you are not using a telescope or binocular, this article about capturing the supermoon might interest you-

P.P.S- Yes, I know photography but people don't interest me. Surely, the moon does!

P.P.P.S- Man of steel sucks! Don't even waste your time on it even on the television!

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Recapitulating the day

I don't want to write on any one specific topic because other bloggers are doing a great job I must say. They have carefully chosen every interesting topic of the world to write about and their writings..well, it will be suffice to say I don't stand a chance in front of them. That being said, I feel like a dick...(what's new?) My head is tormented with thoughts but whenever I try to categorise them, it becomes blank..just like now. Please forgive me if you find this post outrageous. I am writing it solely for myself, not to popularise my blog and certainly not for any kind of judgement.
My exams are over and rather unexpectedly, the results are not looking good. If I fall now, I am looking at dropping another year after 12th. So I'll already be in 20s but still not in college.
-Sucks to be you.
Tell me about it !
Some mistakes can never be corrected. Why do they have the entrance exam only once a year? My age- 20, it is the biggest problem! 6yrs of MBBS-26, 2-3 yrs in MD- 29, then 3-5 yrs in specialisation-34 and it will just make me a junior doctor!! In the long run it wouldn't matter as to what my age is but I will seriously not be able to see my friends who are already in MBBS courses graduating two years before me! This time seems like a nightmare! Why this thing happened in the first place is a million dollar question. Simplest answer being I did not study that well. And why did I not study well, is something that is going to take the whole night!

Damn, this thing is taking a toll over my mind. All throughout the day I have been acting weird. First, I spammed millions of blog posts with my comments and then made a complete fool of myself at the vodafone customer service centre. I don't like these people. I was kept waiting for over an hour to solve my problem and do you know what finally happened? After one hour of intense waiting they told me to call to the customer care number to get my problem solved.!!:\
But it's still okay with me, I am a very calm person and I can handle such irritating situations but what blew off the steam was when one of those employees asked me to go away and only come back when my name was announced ! It was so rude! I have never been talked like that in my entire life. So, obviously I complied with the man's words. I did not know what else to do or what else to say... But soon after felt so humiliated. Like I am rickshaw-wala! I don't curse that bastard for what he has done. I don't like being mean to anybody and I certainly don't have that power in me to think bad of someone, no matter how cross that person must be with me. But  I just expected something more decent. Maybe in time I will learn how to deal with these customer service agents!(hypocrite- you are calling that man bastard! Oh yeah! Britishers say bastard all the But you aren't a Britisher. Nor do you live in London !)

I just forgot to mention the main highlight of today-
I cooked an entire meal !! From Dal to chapatis !! My mother got injured while working, and we had to rush her at the doctor's. She got some bandages but no candy..!! So I took over the kitchen, unleashed my masterchef powers and presented my family with a finger-licking meal ! *so superior luk* Oh damn it, I sound like a house wife!! Yak! I will never cook again!

Wednesday, 12 June 2013

Tiny little updates

Bullet points straight away. No shit this time.

1) I am now officially the king of pappu jokes and cheap comedy. My last post is the example of that. Really, such an epic fail.

2) I have  too much on my plate that I have lost the sight of what's important and what's not.
3) I desperately need aliens to clear up some deep seated issues in me...(deep deep sighs)

4) I have noticed that my blog has got some visitors from Russia, Canada, Behrain and other places and I have no idea why do they find my blog interesting.

5) I don't feel too good about myself of late, maybe 'cos  I am too less worked up!

6) I have made some awesome friends through this blog and yet at the same time have had a first hand experience to deal with nasty little bastards.

7) I have been acting like a 'bitch' and at first I was annoyed with people around me but now I am just irritated at myself.

8) I miss some moments and I have become too scared to even remember those. It's like I am running away mindlessly. I don't want to run! Aww! (Stupid!)

9) Are these really updates? You haven't disclosed anything ..
    -They maybe...I am scared to..(urghhhhh!)

10) Okay, I admit this post is much shittier than the previous one.

- I am done..
-with this world, with govt. , with people?
-No sherlock, my post !

Sunday, 9 June 2013

The axe effect

AJ is a very calm and composed friend of mine who many a times has to bear my tantrums like anything. But the scene somehow got reversed yesterday.
Here's what happened:-

I was watching Seinfeld and simultaneously spraying my new deo.
(AJ enters)
AJ: hmm.. nice smell.

Me: It's a deo, damn it ! Why do you have to call it smell?

AJ: Shut the hell up dude, I have just returned after doing a heroic task!

Me: uh-huh...what's that?

AJ: I just prevented someone from getting raped..

Me: Seriously? bitch! How?(jumping on my heels)

AJ: Self-control dude, self-control.. :D

Me: dafuq......!!! Are out of your mind?

AJ: Chill dude, enjoy the axe-effect. Remember the ad where...


PS- And you thought I was over with sick comedy..

Tuesday, 4 June 2013

The different types of bloggers (sigh)

I had been reading extensively many blogs of late and I am so full of crap right now. Many of the blogs were pathetic, some were good but I still have not been able to find the best ones. Here's my  rant about the types of blogs that are present on the blogosphere :-

1) The singular ones- They relate to one topic and give us the whole library of shit about that topic.
Some of them are talking about stupid technology and stuff while the others talk crap about a
single problem our society is facing.And after some posts they themselves start blurting out the solutions  and finally a stage is reached when their belief in the government and society fails! Sigh! Losers!

2) The baby ones- These are the most obnoxious of all. They keep on writing about how adorable their baby is, what they feed him, how he clenched their fists and how hard he sucked on the nipple while breastfeeding! Dear Lord! I don't want to know any of that stuff! You had a baby, congrats, now just shut the hell up and come back down to the earth. We earthians have still not descended to the babydom!

3) The marriage ones- Aww! I just feel terrible thinking of the saddening things these blogs offer. They put up posts on each and every account of their marriage process. And I would have to say that until this time I haven't found a single blog that does not rant about indian marriage system. They all crib about that overly extrovert affair of the indian marriage process but enjoy it to the fullest! Not to mention the fact that they are overly obsessive about arranged marriages. Sigh! They think the world revolves around them during their 'marriage time' and everybody is interested to know their opinions about arranged marriage! Deep deep sighs! Dork!

4)The general ones- These I found to be much more sane but to a certain level only. First like me, they start out by telling you the story of their lives. When you get more hooked on their blogs they start publishing posts on problems they face. In between all their nonsense they become the self-appointed governors of the society and put their judgement on every evil the society is facing today. They are deeply saddened by the problems the society faces but are optimistic at the same time! (Why didn't I die before reading any of this!) Furthermore, they start giving out relationship advice, finally bring out their ultra-post about sex/alcohol and think they have broken the traditional social arrangement of India and take proud in calling themselves the 'wind of change'!! Oh! dear lord! Morons!

5)The ones who don't publish anything- They are the best in class. they have created a blog, but do not post anything on it. I think they have left it blank for the readers to fill. Oh you've come to my blog-please write something on it. It's been blank for years.
Some of them create blogs and post stuff on it but disable the public reading. They are like, you have come to my blog, eh? I won't let you inside unless you give me $50. That' the entry fee!
The blogger awards for the best blog should be given to them because they have smartly left out to readers' imagination what is on their blog actually! LOL!

6) The overly good ones- Many of you must have seen a post where a person posts a wallpaper from his desktop and write some stupid 2-3 lines below it, which for the record, only he can understand. These are the haiku ones and utterly absurd and stupid! These are the ones that make me the angriest of all. I mean, are you nuts? Posting a picture of tree and then writing how green it is just like your life! Are you out of your fucking mind? I think they all are out of their senses because these blogs harness maximum number of comments. Oh! How beautiful ! Lovely! What a piece of art !  Piece of art, my ass!

There also different habits of bloggers that I have found intriguing. They go on great lengths explaining their problems. For instance, I was once on a blog who kept on ranting about the poor sanitory conditions in india. I kept on thinking to myself-"Just give this lady a damn portable toilet and she'll be happy for the rest of her life!!" Imean it is only what you can offer at a practical level. I cannot go and start abhishek singhal shauchalya seva! (hmm, not a bad idea! lol!)

PS- It's only for quick humour and those who cannot gulp down such humour should refrain from commenting. I don't want another round of debate on i was wrong, you were right! You are always right. Happy?