Friday, 10 January 2014

Political ad-wise

The author of this blog for unknown reasons has suddenly disappeared from the social circle. He was last spotted in the Burmese jungles where the monkeys had given him a political asylum.

Advice To:

1) RAHUL GANDHI

Your name sounds Macedonian.
Nevertheless, dude, I just don't have any advice for you. you've fallen to such a low category! First of all, it has been really hard as to what to identify you as. Are you a politician? Or a businessman? Or just a mama's boy trying to fiddle at her workplace? What are you seriously? The nation wants to know!
You came in on a high note. Being branded as the pall bearer of change for modern India. You looked highly intelligent, qualified and there was a time when you were the most sought after bachelor outweighing even Dhoni's popularity when he was single! Now, I doubt whether girls perceive you as a transgender or as a pothead. Recently, Poonam Pandey was asked if she was willing to date you. She retorted at the reporter with a fiery vengeance and shouted Mahatma Gandhi's slogans at him.
Rahul, dude, what has happened to your fashion sense? Take a bath atleast someday! And we know you're an addict but why show it in public? Coming to these media conferences fully stoned and blown out of your mind, what was that all about? You talk about things that even you yourself don't know about, make yourself a laughing stock at your rallies and above all that troll your own partymen? And stop being a mama's boy for once. If other party's policies are fancier than yours, why do you have to make such a hue and cry over it? Grow up dude, grow up!
Finally, I am getting to some serious advice here- Go UNDERGROUND for atleast next 4 years. Just get the hell out of public domain ! You must've seen Hancock? (I think it's A-rated so not in the theatres but pirated?) Same principle. You wait for people to miss you. Hope for Modi to fail or decline in his popularity all of a sudden and comeback in a new Avatar in 2018. Start gearing up for 2019 elections and this time be a good boy and remember your speeches by heart.
And for god's sake. if there is any piece of intelligence left in you, don't contest these 2014 elections! Don't get yourself nominated as the party's PM candidate. It'll only add to your misery and congress's mockery.

2) NARENDRA MODI

Sir, heartiest congratulations for being selected as party's PM candidate. But what have you done? You rolled out the carpet for AAP in Delhi ! This just shows that people do not really like you. They'll vote for any dickhead who raises his voice against corruption. (*AK's not a Dickhead)
You were the major force behind driving in the country the anti-corruption, anti-congress wave. You were perceived as the ray of hope, a person who would eradicate corruption and do something real for common man. The light of change that you were, have let someone else bask in your glory. You are flawless. But your partymen aren't. They are leaving no stone upturned to create as many hurdles in  your way as possible. Anointment of Yedyurappa, weird statements from your party ministers especially Rajnath singh and RSS pulling up bizarre policies every now and then, you really have a tough time ahead. Mr. Advani lamenting on your success isn't a good sign either.
So, it's finally time to let your horses loose and put everything you have on stake. More time you wait for the arrival of the right time to start your campaigning, more hiccups will be created by the regional parties. And like AAP, they will eat your votebank. So, it's high time to let NaMo roar as loudly as possible. The NaMo decibel should silence all other parties. This thunder should be heard in each and every corner of the country.

3) RAJ THACKERY

Is he still alive? O_O
It is worth mentioning here that the author of this blog doesn't give a shit about Raj Thackery. His only appearance here is because of the little news headline he grabbed this morning by calling his party, "The BAAP of AAP". Someone is finally accepting his true age.
The only advice to him that the author of this blog can give is - stop dyeing your hair man! You look ridiculous!

4) AKHILESH YADAV

You, sir, turned out to be even a bigger motherfucker than your father, didn't you? Well, no advice for you either, for we all need an example for ourselves of how not to raise a fucked up child. Although we do have Rahul as a serious contender for this category. Anyways,we, the educated ones, also need you to continue on your political path because frankly, we do need a gentle reminder that dirty politics by congress is not so dirty after all.

With the last lines, the author became untraceable.
After reading this, I can probably say that it was only because of the lack of popularity of his blog that he managed to cross Indian borders alive. 

3 comments:

  1. Chintan Gupta wrote a great, great post on Rahul Gandhi in 2011. I can't seem to be able to find it right now.

    I think we should be free to voice our thoughts on political figures (free from sec 66a, IT Act). They decided to come in the public domain, they should at least be ready to face criticism in a democracy.

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  2. You are in danger, making fun of these soulful bodies. *Pun intended*. :p

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  3. Dear Author of this blog,

    I would love to see your advise for Digvijay Singh, Kapil Sibbal and Manish Tewari. :)

    /Ankit

    PS: Btw, Visited your blog after a very long time. How things are going at Bhopal?

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