Monday, 22 July 2013

Vaishno Devi Trip

I am exhausted ! But still I am writing a post for all of you...sigh. Oh please don't thank me now... I am always this benevolent! :P

Seriously, I am exhausted. I have just been back from Vaishno Devi and after ascending and descending 26 km of mountains every muscle of my body is screaming with aches ! Now I won't be reviewing my trip like we used to do after undertaking school trips but would just share some momentous experiences I had during the trip. Before I start let me warn you that you'll find use of "fuck" a lot and you'll be given too much information at some places. So proceed on your own risk!

I was fuck bored past two weeks as my fucking no-good holidays are going on. Yeah, holidays, cos I am waiting for a counselling date for a college!  Just out of the blue my I got a fucking idea to go to vaishno devi to have some sort of change. I always loved the idea of trekking and what better place to test your strength than vaishno devi ! So as excited as I was, I announced, no, I boasted that I will reach the bhawan within 2 hours. *proud look*.

Now, within  2 days all the necessary arrangements for the trip were made, train seats were booked and me and my dad were ready to outdo each other during the trip. It's a real perk to have a father working in railways.

Now my experience:-
  • First AC coupe are just next to crap. I was bitten by a spider there!
    No I have not become the spider man!
  • I couldn't sleep in the train. I listened to every fucking artist during that night. Rihanna, Ellie Goulding, One direction, JT, Pink, ludacris,U2,the verve and what not! Even the fucking Miley Cyrus! (She is now not as hot as she used to be...sigh! )
That was all about the train. Then we reached Jammu, took Innova to Katra and it was a gr8 ride especially at 6 in the morning.
  • At Katra, our hotel room was big enough for atleast 8 people and its view was amazing. What was also amazing that its owner (probably in his mid 30s) touched my dad's feet and I was so laughing at him, teasing him all the way,"Dad, aap buddhe ho gaye ho! " :D
Then we got ready to trek up to the bhawan, and my packing was just like britishers I tell you. Bags, bottles, I never felt so organised  !
That part aside, we reached banganga(the lowermost checkpoint) at about 10 and waited for more than an hour to get past the security checks. It was tormenting.Finally, at 11:30 probably, we started our trek.
  • I was already tired but still continued to drudge on. It was raining heavily on saturday and we were literally walking in clouds.
       I then noticed something- All the people undertaking the journey were mostly males. And that too of lower category. A female specimen of human species was hardly spotted.
    Now, imagine my plight- walking in rain and that too uphill, and not a single girl to be seen! Fuck! My eyes got too tired !
    Finally I had to say this to my dad- "Daddy, sookha pad raha hai ! "
    "Par beta yahan par to itni tez baarish ho rahi hai ! Teri tabiyat to theek hai na?" was what I got in return. Poor dad ! Sookhe ke baare me aap kya jano??? :D :D *puppy face*
  • Now, back to trekking, I found the slope too steep and too wet. With the horse shit scattered all around the path, it was all the more a horrendous experience of trekking. For my dad, however it was a different thing. Somewhere in the middle I lost him. Yes, he was literally running on the mountain! So, I was left water-less, company-less and money-less during the way!
    I got so angry at him for leaving me like this that I might have shouted "WTF , WTF " too loud to be heard by people far ahead of me. Finally, I had to beg to donkey-walla for his phone as my prepaid number did not work in J&K. I called my dad, gave him a piece of my mind and the donkey-walla could not gather up courage to ask me for money after seeing my grim face! Anyways, I thanked him in the best possible way and continued to ardhakuvari  which is the mid-way of the journey.

  • By the time I reached there I was already dead to every bone. Just then came the taunt I expected," So I am not as old as you are "   :\
  • So I had to ride at the back of a donkey/pony/horse for the rest of the way up and it was terrible to see the plight of that horse. I touched his neck for bonding but found it was quite swollen due to the beatings by his master. I wish I could have done something for these poor animals.

  • Now, we had to catch the train the same day at 8:30 pm and we had reached the Bhawan at just 3:30 pm. So there was no time for luch or anything, and we hurried to prayers and then at 4:45 pm raced back to Katra. I ran, my dad ran and because my dad had seen my real age decided to take a horse with us. It also ran. And we reached Katra in exact 2 hours whereas it normally takes 3 hours to reach down. There was no time for praising each other as we had a train to catch at 8:30 pm. So, we just told the driver to go as fast as he can and he literally drove at 100km/hr during the return trip to Jammu.
    Finally we were able to catch the train in just the nick of time.
Other things I noticed :-

  • There are people everywhere. Like cockroaches they have messed up every fucking place.
    But in the eyes of god we are equal. We are small and our place in the social hierarchy is quite insignificant to him.

  • We plan too much and God disposes each and every one of them, all for our own good :)

  • Now, the main thing- girls travel more during the evening. I spotted many gr8 specimens when we were descending down ! :D :D

  • Most of them were married :(

  • Parle-G biscuits are also a feast if you are starving to death !

  • Nike shoes are the best shoes for hill-stations. My shoes look as good as they were before the trip. My dad's Adidas's shoes look like they have been to a crime scene!

  • Riding uphill on a horse is a pleasure you shouldn't miss. And riding on a horse downhill is a plight you should never endure! I sat on the horse during my descend for half an hour or so and now I am not able to sit without a pillow! And FYI- it hurts badly at some place else too :( :(

  • The horse walla was asking me again and again where I was from. He was pointing out to the fact that I was out of breath in such a short distance. I just kept consoling myself by saying,'I am going to be a fucking doctor for god's sake, not milkha singh! " :|

  • I want to go again there, this time completing the trekking all by myself.

  • If it hadn't been for first AC in our return trip, you all would've probably been reading my obituary by now! It's not that fucking good but certainly not as bad !

  • I have to go to Bhopal this Sunday, so I hope I will get over my fucking boredom. :\

  • Beyonce is better than Riri. And lady gaga is best of them all. Also Justin beiber dosen't sound like a girl anymore. He sounds like a dinosaur. Seriously, his love songs, I mean what the fuck, they are like you in 80s. Pink floyd is even archaic but their songs still got the groove!

  • Never mind my bickering about the songs, just enjoy the rest of your fucking day as I am. 
This was the view from our hotel.

This was what walking in clouds like

P.S- I am watching my sister meddling with her new xperia which she got as a gift on her 14th birthday! This is outrageous! I am fuck 19 and I still can't get a firefox bicycle !!! And what did I get on my 14th birthday? Kisi aur ki shaadi ka dinner!! Where is the equality these days???? :\

Anyways, jai mata di !


  1. All I saw was Fuck.. FUck.. Whine.. Whine .. FUck.. Picture..Fuck.. GIRLS.. Married :( Ugh FuCK and you got slayed by pops.. so much for doing that trek in two hours

    1. Yeah..I know I used hindi too much in this post. And also the names of the places would have been really hard for you to relate.. But I really appreciate you going through all the post :)

      Some translations-
      "Sookha pad raha hai" - "It is the onset of drought (in relation to there are no girls!"
      "Aap buddhe ho gaye ho"- "You have grown old"

      And yes, I muddled up this post as badly as I can. See what kind of trauma I have been through :P
      I will edit this post tomorrow and bring out a more meaningful version (hopefully)

    2. Lol I was being sarcastic. I got everything but the Hindi.. and the pics were awesome :)

    3. gr8 ! Now I won't have to edit my post!

  2. I remember my Vaishno Devi trip - I fell off the horse and then twisted my ankle...I had to walk 12.5 km with a sprained foot coz I did not have the guts to sit on a horse again after that :P

  3. My parents are really into religious tourism. Thanks to me being at a residential school in early 2000s, I was not able to visit Vaishno Devi, and similarly no visit to Amarnath last year because of work at a fuck workplace :-)

    Comparing myself with you, you are a special case, because you took the initiative for religious travel here.

    Too bad you are not a spider man.

    1. Welcome back KK! Long time, no see!
      And I am not spider man. Amen to that ! :P

  4. Very funny post. Tour posts are always good. Younger siblings get all the good things, my younger sis in India has a Note 2 and I still use the basic model here given to me in office.

    1. Then you can call yourself intelligent and smart proudly :D :D

  5. ROFL..literally! :D I have nothing more to say but to say that your post made my day. :)

    1. Oh come on! You didn't read it,did you? I created such a muddled post that even I have not read it more than once..I could not! But if you really did, then seriously, hats off to you !

  6. This made my morning and I needed a laugh :) thank you my friend.

    1. Oh! Is that so? Good comments like yours always make up my day ! :D
      Really nice to have you here :)

  7. Fucking Hilarious!
    Best of them all. :D

    It has got drama, music and amazing photos.. You could not ask for more..
    Haha.. Saale 1st class ac me baith ke ro ra hai bc aur kya tere liye kingfisher airlines se private jet mangwaya jata with kingfisher calender models?

    Isi baat pe.. jor se bolo.. Jai mata di! ;)

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