Yo Madhya Pradeshis!

I had a pretty hard time adjusting to the new people here in Madhya Pradesh. These people just don't get any sarcasm. Not all but the ones I know. On twitter there is a whole new plethora of people with the wittiest and most sarcastic lines I have ever seen. And some of them are madhya pradeshis. But the ones with which I hang out, well, it's just suffice to say they found me an alien and I, well, I found them to be a vagina.
Here's some of the best instances where I used a common english phrase that were misunderstood and my humorous side was stomped with a hammer as big as Pamela Anderson's boobs!

#Situation 1

Me: Yeah.. I know right! Who could've imagined! I am just having the time of my life here in Bhopal !

Madhya Pradeshi : Time of your life??? What do you mean. Come clear.

Me to myself : Do these people still build wells around here? coz I gotta drown myself in one of them!

#Situation 2

Me:  I would like to take you out someday..

Madhya pradeshi : What?

Me: I mean I like you so.. was just hoping that we could hang around...

Madhya Pradeshi : What???? Love me? I don't know what to say... I hardly know you.. how can you like me?

Me: I meant you are a date-able person. That's why I didn't say I love you..

Madhya Pradeshi : So how can we go out together?

Me: I am sorry. What?

Madhya Pradeshi : Arre baba.. Only couples go out together.

Me: I think we have got ourselves in a fundamental standoff here. That's the whole concept of dating. You know, never mind, why don't we just hang around like friends?

Madhya Pradeshi : Hang around what?

Me to myself: Did she actually say this? No, this can't be true! How did she got my number? Bl-ee-ddyy whatsapp!

#Situation 3

Me: hey bro! What's up?

Madhya Pradeshi : everything's goin fine..So you are now talking to *****? What's going on man?

Me: That ain't none of your shit bro !

Madhya Pradeshi : huh?

Me: Huh?

Madhya Pradeshi : what did you say? I don't need to shit..

Me to myself : It's fair.Even Delhites couldn't connect to my 8 mile eminem photo on fb.

Me to him : I need to shit -_-

#Situation 4

Madhya Pradeshi : You know ***** mam was asking about your whereabouts. Why don't you come to college?

Me: Oh let it be! You know how busy I am.... And now you do realise how hot I am. Even teachers miss me !

Madhya Pradeshi : Oh please! You are an idiot for not coming to college...

Me: Oh damn you girl.. you found out about that so early :D

Madhya Pradeshi : Start coming to college regularly from now on!

Me: See.. even you can't resist me !

Madhya Pradeshi : And did you complete that file?

Me: Not really..

Madhya Pradeshi : You are really messing up hard! There's going to be problems...

Me: Just chill out lady. Those will be my problems. Don't sweat it man!

Madhya pradeshi : I don't sweat like a man! You know what? I am going to sit over there!

Me to myself : Oh god! This isn't funny anymore. Please get me a person who gets me!

#Situation 5

Me : So howz your gym routine going?

Madhya Pradeshi : Fine, I guess. But yours must be better, no? Afterall you get to see all girls!

Me: Yeah, it's a shame your gym has different timings for boys and girls...And FYI I don't watch girls,they watch me :D

Madhya Pradeshi : What's FYI? And yeah..yeah.girls watch you....ha!

Me to myself : Seriously? It wasn't even a phrase! No wonder these madhya pradeshis can only use TY as a short form for Thank you -_-

Me: FYI means fooling you instantly !


#This completes another rant by IHY


PS- (FYI means for your info.)