Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Rubbbish #1

It's past midnight right now and i should have completed my physics chapter  but it seems to go on and on and on. There is a slight despondence in me because of this. So please bear with me if you find this post a bit disappointing.
Now, ever since I have started to blog I have written about things, things that were not about me. So, I guess this is the time for one hell of an eccentric post.
Starting from the beginning, I have been a very simple and straight guy(geez! I meant straightforward if you cooked up something else:P). I was good at studies coming in the top bracket most of the times. And my parents, teachers were all happy with my performance.
I occasionally used to participate in co-curricular activities half-heartedly just to make others happy. Least to say, sometimes I completely messed things up and some of the rarest times even I was amazed at myself.
I did not have too many friends. In school I was a bit outcast and things took a turn for worse in terms of socialising in school in 6th-7th grade. But I think it didn't matter to me and it still doesn't matter to me. I am wired differently to say the least.Time healed most of those wounds and I constantly tried to erase bad memories from my mind, unsuccessful each time. So I rather came up with a better option to learn from them and now my personality clearly reflects the pride of learning from experiences(smart,eh?)
But my academic front had always been my forte. I could never see myself lose on that front.  And just getting good marks wasn't enough for me. I always needed to be in the good books of my teachers and worked hard to make every piece of homework, a standard I had to cross the next time.The biggest disappointment came in class 11th when I first time met with failure in studies. Sparing you with exaggerated details on why and how, I would say it completely set me off the track and i am still trying to gain my lost momentum. There are a lots of people I have hurt in the way and lots more who have hurt me and I will talk about it in my subsequent posts but right now I just need to clear my head and this blog has given me that space.

Today is not my day. it just isn't is. I couldn't even meditate properly! And i just dunno what has gotten into me right now but I am being too negative. Life seems sullen and all the things seem so dull...
Please don't judge me as a miserable being. I am just not. I know it in my head very clearly that once i have a life, i have my future secured an entirely different person is awaiting in me to come out.  Life is just as unhappy as we make it and this is probably not the best phase of my life and I should cling to hope that things will take a better turn. But today pessimism surrounds me and I think i am bit sleepy too...I did not have a bad day,did i? i am not sure but this is not a good ending for such a long day. Some of the highlights were- A my childhood friend(we are frns since LKG) came by my house very first time and we had lots and lots of fun, eating ice-creams, chips and kurkures but still I was a bit different with him today. I am just not myself of late!
It's like something amiss. Something has been stolen from me... I just can't figure out what.
Aww....crap.. What have I been writing?? And it's already 1:30 am. I am heading for a disaster!

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